Due
to the fact that I am currently going through a painful
rehabilitation process for my former eBay addiction, I
have been unable to keep the world up to date with the
madness that has been occurring there, over the past few
months. Fortunately, I have fallen off the wagon, and
am proud to announce that eBay’s auctions are just
as pathetic and exploitative as ever! Join me in this
magical journey of the eBay freak parade…. as the
auctions have become even sicker, the bids even higher,
and my faith in all humanity has finally reached an all
time low! Hurray!
 TITLE:DEAD
RAT IN JAR WITH BONUS WASP
LISTED: 9/4/05
NUMBER OF BIDS: 151
CURRENT PRICE: $4,650.00
This is an auction for an actual deceased rat, sealed
in a pickle jar, and accompanied by a “bonus”
dead wasp. Good news for the gothic community…that
pesky shortage of dead rats has come to an end, and they’re
selling like hotcakes! The auction’s main selling
point is that it is “great for back to school”.
I tend to disagree. Since I am unable to find any logic
in this, I can only assume that it is all code for something
else, entirely.
 TITLE:
CUT
MY LONG HAIR! HAIR CUTTING FETISH VIDEO!
LISTED: 9/4/05
NUMBER OF BIDS: 18
CURRENT PRICE: $360.00
Are you REALLY into chicks getting their hair cut? Sure,
it’s no dead rat…but at a mere fraction of
the price, this New Jersey gal will not only chop off
her long locks, but send you the pictures of the cutting,
washing, and styling of it…along with the actual
hair itself, of course. Can you really consider something
a “fetish”, if it is this stupid?
 TITLE:
UNTOUCHED
COCO DE MAR
LISTED: 9/1/05
NUMBER OF BIDS: 7
CURRENT PRICE: GBP 156.00 (APPROXIMATELY
US $287.00)
Apparently, there is a distinct type of coconut that strongly
resembles something that you would buy in a sex shop made
of a more durable silicone. Why buy an artificially made
female torso, when you can purchase one created by nature?
Although this partial sex doll may rot and spoil eventually,
you may feel more in touch with nature while making love
to it. The pleasant, tropical aroma is yet another added
bonus.
TITLE: ADVERTISING
SPACE ON MY CHEST!
LISTED: 8/31/05
NUMBER OF BIDS: 21
CURRENT PRICE: $10,000
Not only is this woman about to make the biggest mistake
of her life by getting a PERMANENT tattoo of one business’s
name across her breasts, but she is also dragging a “surprise
guest” down with her. Perhaps you remember “the
Original Hairy Chest Guy” from my past eBay articles?
He has sadly come to the realization that there was no
target audience for a Ziploc baggie of chest hair, and
has spiraled even further down the eBay food chain by
agreeing to tattoo his recently shaven chest with the
company logo of your choice. Just when you thought that
you couldn’t put a price on human degradation, this
dynamic duo has proven us all wrong!
 TITLE:
ADVERTISE
ON MOM & DAUGHTERS! Streak, shave, & tattoo!
LISTED: 8/27/05
NUMBER OF BIDS: 56
CURRENT PRICE: $34,100
Do you have an extra thirty-five grand lying around? Unsure
if it’s really “worth it” to help out
with hurricane relief or some other random charity? Here’s
your chance to spend that extra cash on something that
will REALLY help you feel good about yourself!
This chubby mother and daughter team has taken eBay’s
dark underworld to an entirely new level. Your hard earned
money will be spent on the shaving of their heads and
your company’s name permanently tattooed on their
skulls. Not only that, but this chunky co-ed also promises
to paint her entire body in one color of your choosing,
and prance her bikini-clad, pudgy body all around her
hometown! But, let’s not forget the little ones….
since no member of THIS family will be left unexploited,
her four year old sister shall be forced to attend pre-school
attired in t-shirts and hats promoting your business,
along with temporary tattoos covering her limbs. As if
that isn’t enough of a deal, they have also agreed
to eat a “gross” meal…why spend a cent
feeding the hungry, devastated people of the world, when
you can support a couple of fat chicks eating dead cockroaches?
God Bless America!
DOES
THE DETERIORATION OF HUMANITY FASCINATE YOU? DON’T
FORGET TO SEND IN THOSE EBAY AUCTIONS THAT MAKE YOU PROUD
TO BE PART OF THE HUMAN RACE!
Jenny
Sept 7th, 2005
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